I have moved my blogging into another place, please visit www.jordanplanet.net/madas to know the latest about me.
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| Date: | 2006-01-23 21:29 |
| Subject: | testb |
| Security: | Public |
Am I feeding into Jordan Planet?
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My new discovered passion in anthropology took me into a trip to one of the most beautiful places in Jordan. A place where hot water springs are born in the dead mountains, they end in hidden cascades that are unexpectedly found in this volcanic savage area…Yes, I am talking about Jordan. I had a theory that the beauty you find in unexpected places is much more fascinating than the beauty you know exactly where to find. This is the story of shalalat Zarah or Zarah cascades. An entertainment area that is visited by families who can’t afford to go other places, … people who don’t own farms to escape the stress of the city in the weekends… people who enjoy nature and who love to be part of nature…. Mahmoud brought his six children to enjoy the warm bath… they don’t have hot water otherwise… they come here every week, even in the winter, because this the only place where his children can feel clean… and who needs a man-made bath tub when you have God-made bath tub? He said with a smile!
Ahhhh… I caught you; you are unable appreciate the sweetness of fatherhood and the touching human quality of the moment because of the garbage in the picture… but look at the bright side, these kids’ immunity is really really good, they will be able to resist any sickness inshallah :)
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Am I imagining it, or all the new modern buildings in Amman have exactly or at least very similar interior design? the door opens to small entrance that leads to the the biggest room in the house which is the big salon, this salon yaleeq bimaqam Her Majesty the queen of England in her bi-annual visit to have her afternoon cup of tea in this salon. which of course goes with the perfect china that are only used for this specific occasion, and the most expensive furniture that are also used in this room. The other reason for this salon is the once in a life time event, the daughter's engagement... it could be used occasionally by families that entertain guests on regular basis, which we all have to admit are not many!
The rest of the house is divided into 2 or 3 rooms, including one master room, the other two rooms share a bathroom. There is a smallish living room usually the most used in the house and the kitchen, which shares a balcony with the living room in many apartments. Of course we should not forget the maid's room and her bathroom, which are on the side of the apartment that does not have windows 3 sides have windows to the outside , so my questions for today are honestly why are the best resources of the house put in this room which is used the least? why every single house have this big salon? and why does it have to be the biggest room and the most impeccable?? why not use the space to make the rooms a bit bigger and keep a smaller room to have guests that are not supposed to mingle with the people of the household? what i am really trying to find out, why even our homes have to be designed for the enjoyment of other people? and why do we all have to live in exactly the same apartments, what happened to the creativity of all the architects that graduate every year? or maybe since they have the same professors, there is no room for creativity? I am just trying to understand...
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Reem died few days ago, she was 20 years old and died of cancer infused B cel lymphoma, if anyone is interested … well technically that was not the cause of death, but that is beside the point. Reem is related to me, I have met her few months ago at the hospital and I spent some time with her during the last few months…She was a beautiful girl, so tender, so sweet, so full of life… she was also very spoiled and very stubborn.
She could not deal with the way her looks changed with the treatment and with being sick and being in pain all the time, she could not deal with not being able to be this care free little girl who gets away with everything anymore… slowly her life that was filled with laughter and lovely naughtiness and girlish silliness turned into silence, seriousness and depression…. she stopped fighting, and eventually she died…
I am angry for all the pain that her parents, but especially what her dad is going through…. He has been with her all through, while her mother was back home taking her of the other kids not many people can afford bringing the whole family to London for a long time, the woman had no choice. I saw him change her clothes and touch her face with so much tenderness, as if she is two years old… I saw him trying to fight for her, trying to protect her, trying to push her and… Akh… the pain i feel...I can’t even start to express his looks whenever looking at her… Mohamed was not only her father, he was also her friend and her hero. The man is completely shocked; her death did not sink in yet. He went back the next day to the hospital to check if somehow she undied! He could not understand that his little girl was sleeping in the cold morgue… so he just stayed awake… Her body was taken home in a box and her dad could not get over the fact that they are travelling first class and their daughter is travelling with the luggage!
I am also angry at Reem Allah yir7amha, May she be happy in a better place and the whole generation of girls who are just too spoiled to fight, who don’t have a mission in life and who cruise through life without purpose… Why? What happened to our strong Arab women who go through everyday with a set agenda and a real mission, whose capacity of grabbing every day’s troubles and turn them into lessons and benefits… what happened to women like my grandmother who gave birth to my dad on the way from Palestine to Amman? What happened to women who rock the world with their left arms, while taking care of ten kids and are still able to love unconditionally?! What happened with the girls who fought society to be able to study and marry and be happy? What happened to girls who stood in front of laws and defied the whole world for a belief? What has changed in the last ten years that turned us from strong girls back into weak puppets and porcelain dolls who are willing to sacrifice life because we can’t deal with ??!
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Inspired by hareega’s recent women clinic’s bathroom dilemma , and reminded by a story of my own in Al -Rai newspaper building in Amman, I decided to share something that I recently learnt about men/women bathroom subcultures!
I was at a business meeting in al Rai building few years ago when I had this strong urge to visit the ladies’, only to discover that the ladies’ do not exist…all the bathrooms were gent’s! But I really had to go and so I decided that a man got to do what a man got to do so I ventured in. My first reaction was shock at the structure of the bathroom they have these sinks that I later learnt are called urinals. My second reaction was being scandalized at how dirty men’s bathrooms are! When I was done I obviously wanted to leave but I was faced with a second dilemma, there were men in the bathroom! I waited a bit, listening with all my heart, and when I was sure that no one was there, I ventured out… however to my complete chagrin, there was ONE man there at those sinks! Imagine the situation a woman in men’s room in AMMAN! emboldened by the ridiculousness of the situation I did what a woman would do in a bathroom… I smiled, said hi and stormed out of the whole building never to come back again!
Men and women have completely different bathroom cultures…While women’s restrooms are networking lounges and counseling centers, where we can meet interesting people. Men’s bathrooms are exactly that… bathrooms! In our bathrooms, we discuss everything, people, clothing, events, our problems, our friends’ problems and gossip. While we apply make-up, we discuss application techniques and brands; we pass toilet paper under the gap, and continue our conversation across the wall even with strangers, while going about our business… it is rare but not unheard of that two women would go in the same cubicle to finish the conversation!
Men on the other hand discuss NOTHING! Absolutely nothing! They don’t talk in the bathroom, even if they were there with their best friend… they try to keep the conversation to a minimum! They certainly will not talk, while sitting on the toilet, and they will never meet another man’s gaze. What I found most interesting was that men also have a territorial ritual while in the bathroom. If there are five urinals in a row, the first man will choose the urinal furthest from the door, the second man will choose the urinal furthest from the first man, the third man will choose the one in the middle and the fourth will go in a cubicle!!!
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Like many others, who were away from Amman when the bombings happened, my fear was compounded because of the lack of news....my first reaction was that of shock, panic and then a raging anger. I want to thank you guys for posting all these pictures and writing about the events from Amman and writing about it in details... in the ugliness of it all, seeing all these people walking in the streets with the flags...and reading the very passionate postings brought warmth to my heart... i dont feel far away when I read your comments.
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I was watching Rotana Music yesterday, and this song caught my attention. It was about a university graduation ceremony… and even though everyone was an Arab including the Dean and the students, the ceremony looked exactly like a ceremony you would find in the heart of the USA! and not at all the graduation ceremony you would find in any Arab country.
I am not going to go into the song or video clip… I wondered yesterday why do we try too hard to be Americanized or westernized in everything even in our Arabic songs? This lead me to another question, maybe the reason is rooted much deeper inside us, historically and ideologically… were we always Arabs? and if not when did we become Arabs?
Well, honestly searching this whole Arab identity, made me feel how ignorant I am! I have always thought we were always Arabs and that Arabs and Muslims are synonyms! But that is very inaccurate. So forgive the shallowness of what I will write, I am not intending to give a lesson in history here, and obviously there is much much more to how we became Arabs. Even though these are random, isolated facts, for me they gave me a direction of where to start if I am interested to know more.
Basically, the idea of an Arab identity is fresh of the over, it is that new!! it started among the French educated intellectuals of Syria in the late nineteenth century, in an effort to mobilize both Christians and Muslims to throw off the domination of the Ottoman Empire which was doing really badly. Before that Arab had referred to the Bedouins and the inhabitants of Arabia. And we were known in different names.
During World War 1 the idea of Arab nationalism emerged again as an important idea, this time it took the form of the Arab revolt, with the help of the English. England played a major role afterwards in promoting Arabism in the Middle East, obviously to serve their own interests and so the area gradually became Arab! In 1941, Anthony Eden, the British Foreign Minister proposed the creation of an Arab league, which became a reality in 1945.
The Millions of inhabitants of this area, resisted the idea for a long time, because of their doubts of why they changed from Asians or Africans or whatever other identities we had to Arabs, but this was changed drastically with Gamal Abd Al Nasser, who became a national hero by nationalizing the Suez Canal and leading a war against Israel in 1956… After that the masses embraced the idea lovingly.
If you are curious to know morw, get on the internet to find out more :)
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| Date: | 2005-10-25 13:35 |
| Subject: | My dad is important! |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  amused | | Music: | When a man loves a woman! |
I have been in Poland for the last ten days, if you are expecting an account about the Polish culture and architecture, you are looking in the wrong place; this is an account of the scandalous gossip that took place in a youth exchange in a small city called Lublin in Poland, where as a matter of fact Jordan was participating.
As few of you would know, one of the things I enjoy most in life is organizing youth exchange programs, to get young people from Jordan to travel and learn something new. I work with people who are over 18 years old, convincing myself that they are adults and legally, culturally and religiously responsible for their acts. Those last two weeks proved that actually they are children, and socially if anything happens I am the one to bear all the responsibility!
My team was very mixed, I am not going to give any names, but we had the conservative, the hypocrite, the ultra liberal and the unexposed, and of course the responsible and open minded. I am so grateful to have 2 young people in my team, a great young lady whose open-mindedness and responsibility will forever leave a mark on my heart, and a guy who would be most probably considered a social outcast in Amman and who the only words that would express my feelings towards him are love and pride a little bit like am other maybe! Together we were the best team; we impressed the hell out of everyone with our language skills and intellect, and all the gorgeous leaflets and posters and presentations the team prepared… and of course the little items of food we brought with us.. JORDAN RULES!
When it came to the social aspect, and individually I thought few of my team members needed kafen 3ala il dayer in several occasions! To start with, few are not more than spoiled brats, who live in a world of their own, honestly the way some girls in Amman talk and behave is sickening and repulsive and completely unimpressive... yuck!!! I was ashamed and disappointed of the dala3,constant stream of naghasheh, silly feminin games and the extreme obsession with makeup and hair and high heals, even when we were in a farm in the middle of nowhere! But this is no where as shameful as the fact that these super intelligent twenty something girls are so dependent on their dadies’ pockets, that they are clueless to the fact that they are adults and have to solve their problems on their own. They actually think that their dads would help them whever they are, it makes me wonder how would they ever survive without papa?! As for the guys… yeee don’t even start me with the double standards and the hypocrisy.
It made me wonder whose fault is that we are a third world, the hypocrisy of men of the air-headedness of women… No wonder, men think we are less than they are… we do our best, actually we go out of our way to let them think act like that.
One of the things that happened, was that we usually try to mix the girls from all countries together in the rooms, and we do the same with the boys boys/girls are strictly forbidden to the disappointment of some of you! so what happens is an Italian girl connected with a French guy, and to my chagrin went back to the room to hang out with her, where two of my most flirty, spoiled girls stay. I wish this happened with the other two girls who were more conservative and would have definitely carried themselves and handles the situation better
We had this huge hysterical, dramatic reation, where my girls tried to get the boy outprobably not very nicely and when he did not want to leave because he thought they were rude. She came to me threatening me with her dad’s influence.
Obviously the boy left the room and obviously it was a cultural misunderstanding and difference and obviously it is expected to face things like that when people leave their safe environment and obviously they could have solved the problem smartly if they were experience and obviously with dad or no dad the problem would have been solved anyway, because actually no one there knows who dad is and no one cares… as a matter of fact this became a point that was taken against Jordanians not having personality of our own, and being so corrupt!! and obviously I was so damn irritated that I had to be not so nice the girl!
What was really funny is that when dad’s position was mentioned, one of the Egyptian guys said “ eh ya3ni, 7adritik bint afandem wi i7na wlad kalbi ya3ni?!!” and an ironic game started about who dad is, when one of the guys in my team said the most intelligent thing ever “abouy insan” which means my dad is a human being! Which awarded us a massive cheering from all the other teams! and closed the door for good.
The project was fun, it was interesting, and it was definitely very educational. But most of all, I learnt we would be better off, when we use our intelligent brains instead of daddy's postions. So if you happen to be in one of my teams, and your dad is important dont tell me, because that would not impress me at all!! actually i would think you are silly and without personality!
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| Date: | 2005-10-01 12:49 |
| Subject: | Big Ben! |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: | amused | | Music: | some annoying drum music from a car! |
I went out at night yesterday for the first time, with a friend and a girl colleague/friend of his. It was a fun evening, I was so excited about all the people walking in the streets, all the lights and all the cars! I felt like a little peasant going to the CITY for the first time! We walked and walked and walked in all these places that I only heard about in Monopoly board game!!
Oxford Circus, Trafalgar Square, Big Ben There is actually a big tower with a CLOCK on it!is there anything more exciting than this?!, Westminster, London Bridge, like in the song! Soho This one was interesting! Especially the girls in windows!! The only other place I saw girl prostitutes in this very obvious context was in Amsterdam, when I went with my friends two years ago we soon realized that people were staring at us, because we were the only DRESSED women in the street! Boy how shocking and embarrassing this was! My face still goes red at the memory!
I still can’t grasp the freedom I feel, I don’t understand it, I don’t know what to do with it. I just know that I want to experience London to the maximum! I want to go to every musical, to every concert, to every museum, to ALL my classes, and I want to walk and walk and walk. I want to enjoy the culture, the beauty that this place has to offer….But to be able to do this, I need to find a job NOW! London is really TOO expensive.
The company was nice as well. My friend took us to this beautiful Japanese place, I had what they call a bento box, it was a bit of everything... sushi, sashimi, chicken tiryaki, some fried shrimps yummy!! and of course the beautiful salad and a lovely miso soup!
The girl was fine, she is clearly in love with the guy and as sweet as her devotion is to him, as much as these very same feelings made me realize that We women are much more attractive and much sexier when we are strong and in control of our destinies, and we are completely unattractive and boring and Blah...when we allow ourselves to be weakened and submit to emotions... I am not talking about falling in love, I am talking about how to handle being in love....and as my good friend used to say "il tu2ol san3a"! which means for a women to be hard to get is actually hard work that requires very good skills!
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| Date: | 2005-09-29 19:08 |
| Subject: | I love life! |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: | ecstatic |
At this point of my life, I am where I am meant to be, where I want to be, where I should be!
I finally decided to take control of my life, and my first step was to start my Masters degree in Anthropology Community and Youth work. After years and years of confusion and loss and not knowing where I am heading and what I want to do with my life and what is my mission on earth. I found my way.
Today was my first day at school, and boy how exciting it is! I caught myself smiling, I am fascinated with the topics that I am to study: religion, politics, society, racism, terrorism, gender roles, nationality, youth, drugs, sex… have you ever heard of anything more fun?!! … topics that I am not only perfectly capable of handling, but topics that I love, that I enjoy, that I excel in!
I love the school, the people, the professors, the students, the streets, the buildings I am looking forward late night studying, countless cups of coffee that leave you jittery, exams, homework,... I dont know what could a person ask for more in life! I really dont know what you school brats are complaining about!!
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| Date: | 2005-09-11 09:55 |
| Subject: | What were the odds? |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: | amused | | Music: | Tortura (Shakira) |
It was a very enjoyable brunch in a hotel in a city called Queretaro Mexico! Yes I am in Mexico…. You walk into the airport to get shocked at the modernity and orderliness of the airport, you form a totally different impression about the whole culture I always thought that mexico is a desert with bunch of men with moustaches and big sombreros running around on donkeys… ignorance! only to walk out in the city and feel you were put on the peak of a mountain, but the next step is a very steep hill! The poverty and the shabby surroundings are not exactly the moustache men on donkeys that I had in mind, a bit better
After few days, you realize that the hill is not really that steep, as the culture is really impressive, people are so polite and intelligent, and they are so honest, I imagined they will be trying to take more money in taxis because we are not locals, like they do in Amman… but no… they charged us all the same. The city is poor, but it is clean pleasant and is full of culture wherever you look.
And the food… the food is GOOD! Avocado, cilantro, tomatoes, chilies, onions and corn are part of everything! And it is so YUMMI!
Back to my brunch, the object of my attention were three people, the singer, a young man singing for a room full of people enjoying his beautiful voice and Spanish guitar, but not really listening… and was wondering what does he feel about this indifference to his talent?
The second person was a little girl, not more than 3 years, playing alone with her little pinky toys; she was playing around the table where her beautiful mother sits with a bunch of other ladies expensively dressed, hair is impeccable and their manner is of the crème de la crème of the Mexican society…. I could have been in Amman, or in the States, or in France…. These ladies were just global! And maybe the little girl caught my attention because she is the same age as our little Nizar.
The third person came to my attention when the little girl fell, and an older lady jumped to hug her, and I am not sure, but her loving manner is that of a grandmother, she was taking care of her with so much love, patience and calmness… which was really touching….and maybe it reminded me of the relationship of my own mother with Nizar, which is always calm, surely of experience compared to Hania, who panics if he falls, and gets angry if something happened to him… ya3ni just like a typical mother.
I was watching all three characters through out the brunch… wondering about their lives how did they come to be sitting in the same room with me today? Who are the other ladies on the table, what are they talking about? What does the singer do if not here? What is he thinking, how does he feel about this crowd? But really what got me to write today this pointless post, is that among all the 70 people in that room, there was really minimum interaction between all these strangers, except for a split of a second where there was a brief contact between my three characters! Only for a moment when the grandmother took the little girl’s hand to go get some fruit from the buffet and on her way she went to the singer to tell him how much she loved his voice and ask for a special request! What were the odds?!
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While I was doing my womanish chat with my friend from Boston, she asked me out of the blue “did you hear the news?” and I was like “no, kheir?” And she told me about this Saudi Lady who comes every year to Massachusetts with her entourage. Apparently two of the maids, learnt upon coming into the US that they are human beings and they have rights! So they ran away few days ago and went to the police with an elaborated story of abuse they face in her house!
This lady is in so much trouble. Racisim, Abuse, Theft, Fraud she signed that they take 1000 $ but only gives them 100 minor exploitation and molest 7azha il m3atar the maids are 16 and 17! … you name it! I was surprised… actually I was so fascinated with the story that I caught myself jumping around saying Bravo 3aleihom!! She deserves it!
I mean come on… vive la revolution!
This reminded me of a something related. When I went to France last year. This French guy was telling us how he was horrified when he was in Beirut at how they abuse the maids… and he went into a detailed description how maids are being hit, sleep in balconies or in the kitchen floor, sometimes raped…how they work non stop for hours and hours and then get slapped or bashed if anything goes wrong… I remember seeing all those appalled expressions on those pretty French faces. I was so ashamed to say that these stories are very familiar in Jordan, so I pretended to be as surprised and horrified as the French and heard myself repeating words like “Really?! They do this in Beirut?! “ OH MY GOD!” “How could anyone be so cruel?” “How could humanity stoop so low!!?”
Maids in Jordanand other places apparently are treated like slavesor maybe worse! Even in the most CHIC families, where everyone is so elegant and refined, where the lady of the house is so busy with charity, the master is a very prominent member of society, the sons are successful and the daughters are beyond attractive and smart!… you would see the maids living in totally unstylish conditions… so if you have a maid, and your maid works more than 8 hours a day and she does not have her own bed and gets slapped or yelled at for only 100$ then …. BEWARE... Because you are just another person who fell into the hypocrisy and the trap of dehumanizing the maids and you are in contradiction with human rights, and amnesty international and international law and maybe… just maybe one day you will find yourself in as much trouble as our Saudi friend is!
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| Date: | 2005-08-19 10:26 |
| Subject: | لا لارهاب |
| Security: | Public |
We dont want any more death... No for Terrorism in all its different shapes.
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| Date: | 2005-08-04 12:53 |
| Subject: | Homophobia |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  annoyed | | Music: | NO music! |
I picked up a book called koolaids, in my drive to read for Arab writers, even if the books are written in English. Rabih Alameddine reflects on the Lebanese Civil War and immigration to the United States. The plots are non-linear and fragmentary, reflecting on the war and the shattered lives of the characters. Very interesting indeed. What I thought is courageous is that Rabih does not shy away from the core issue in the story which is homosexuality. Koolaids goes into the lifestyle of gays, how they lead their lives, how they face their choices, how they deal with HIV and watching their friends and loved ones dying. It is really touching, sad, shocking, amusing, honest and very human.
I was discussing the book with a friend of mine, and she surprised me by saying that HIV is a divine punishment for gays! I was disturbed by the idea of sickness, suffering and death as a divine punishment… because if this is true then every single gay person on earth through history should be HIV+ which is not the case…Obviously and everyone who is HIV+ should be gay?!! And finally it implies that all sick people on earth are sick as a punishment?!
How about the millions of African families who suffer from HIV with/without being gay? How about the millions upon millions who die of cancer every year? Is this a Divine punishment too? How about the millions of innocent children who die in war every hour not too far away? or who die a slow death because of lack of food?! or of other sicknesses.. heart attacks or diabetes..oe whatever is it that is killing people... And if it is really a Divine punishment…what is it that all these people are doing to deserve this punishment… maybe we could avoid doing it.. ya3ni just in case.. …
In short I thought that this idea absurd, is based on ignorance and is very hypocritical…. And regardless of what we believe or not believe… I do not think any of us should give a judgment on God’s behalf… because no human being is capable of knowing how God is, or how He judges or how He thinks… and as we all know God is Merciful and Forgiving… and as Christ said, " he who does not have mistakes, should throw the first stone..." so if this person believes being gay is a mistake that should be … divinly punished should throw the first stone if she is perfect...!
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I caught myself sobbing when seeing this photo...I always cry at weddings Elena does not have a younger sister, and she does not know what it feels like... a younger sister is a very special relationship, the best of a daughter and a best friend rolled in one! ...Not that i know what a daughter feels like, but it must feel like this :)
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Does anyone know where i can appload pictures so i can insert them in my emtries in Live journal... ? i know what is the HTML code... but dont know what is a proper service provider that can host my pictures... any feedback would be appreicated
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| Date: | 2005-07-28 17:50 |
| Subject: | Love vs. Insanity! |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  surprised | | Music: | radio |
I woke up today on the Mad about you, sting which happens to be one of my favorite songs in the world! A song that puts a crusader soldier and a girl from Jerusalem in a desperate love story… Was wondering why this love thing is over used as a theme? Pop music, modern art, books, movies….? why not…I don’t know… friendship, or achievement, or self confidence or whatever… why does it have to be love?
anyway...
I will not go into the philosophy of why people fall in love… the soul mate theory this is my favorite which is that we were creatures of 2 heads and 4 arms that intimidated the gods so they split us down the middle to form a man and a woman and we are condemned to spend our lives searching for the other half. Or the Celestine way of viewing humans with energy fields around us and when these fields fit.. People would fall in love… or the good old hormones … or the other 589 other theories … because I honestly don’t know why!
I am really curious about the nature of love? Biologists view love as two major factors sexual attraction and attachment… Psychologists’ two factors on the other hand are companionship and passion. But the most best one so far is Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love. In this theory, love is characterized by three elements: intimacy, passion and commitment. Each of these elements can be present in a relationship, producing the following combinations:
Love Triangle
Liking or friendship: intimacy
Infatuation: passion
Empty love: commitment
Romantic love: intimacy and passion
Companionate love: intimacy and commitment
Fatuous love: passion and commitment
Consummate love: intimacy and passion and commitment
Love vs. Insanity
But what I really loved is that studies have shown that mental scans of those in love show a striking resemblance to those with a mental illness! Love creates activity in the same area of the brain that hunger, thirst, and drug cravings create activity in. Love, therefore, could more possibly be physical than emotional! Can you relate to majnoun layla?!
And as bdel Haleem says in his fortune teller that “ even though his life is destined to be a book of tears and a confinement between water and fire. Despite the sadness that remains with us day and night, despite the rainy windy weather, love will be forever the best fate…”
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While S. has been having serious problems with her ultra cool boyfriend’ fits of a severe cough, fever and allergy! (Kind of reminds me of my dad, when he heard a boy’s name mentioned when we were younger! Maybe this is men’s reaction whenever trapped in a corner?... just a thought ) … Whenever the word commitment is hinted. J has been having serious problems with her fiancé of two years, wanting her to leave her glorious career and dedicate the coming 10 years to have 4 children in 4 or 5 years maximum!! This paradox got the three of us on a discussion about men and the way they view commitment!
Men and women view commitment from different angles… while we play bride and groom with our bad kid neighbor since very early childhood… I am kidding! with our dolls I wanted to say but this seemed more like fun… anyway… we grow up thinking a beautiful house, a nice loving husband that makes all our mean high school girl friends jealous and a bunch of adorable kids running around… we think of commitment as an achievement, as security as safety and as a revenge from every girl who was bad to us! As a fulfillment of all these dreams that are rooted very deeply in us… well obviously society plays a major role here.
Men on the other hand see commitment as something quite different. To men, commitment means goodbye to freedom! A man has only one choice when he leaves school go to work and become successful.. He can't just “leave and sit home" when he is married. He has to think about his wife and children. Thus, when a man thinks of commitment, he sees a lifetime of struggle and expectations… And with the high materialistic demands girls have been putting on guys… Nah… I don’t think so!
I had to look in the psyche of caveman to understand this instinctive fear of commitment ultra cool boyfriend , yet this amazing desire to reproduce the demanding fiancé , and true to my expectations we have an answer…
Ok, this is crude, but it is also interesting. Cavemen were polygamist… Polygamy was a survival mechanism… they had to spread their seeds in order for the human race to survive, more women had to have more children…so they slept around…. This instinct that pushed men away from commitment which is monogamy, towards polygamy is what is giving the boyfriend the fever… it is a deeply rooted instinct! But since the world has changed, and civilization prevailed and men no longer can get away with this as an excuse… the very same instinct is what pushes the fiancé to want children thus commitment!
What does that mean? Commitment for men means fewer opportunities to have sex which means fewer opportunities to spreading the seeds… but while on the one hand for social, religious, ethical simply love! Men chose to be monogamist I am cutting you slack guys and on the other hand, they are still controlled by this instinct to survive and to reproduce… they chose to get married and have as many children as fast as possible! Hoping they will have many chances to spread the seed with their wives!
Interesting. No?
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madas's journal
thoughtful
sad
